The Secrets Behind Your Face

Just a touch from your palms,

I can read all your honest mind,

Just a hug from your body,

I can feel all the lies you hide behind,

just a call from your intention,

I can sense all the pride and boredom.

All those secret can't be mention to me,

like toying with water guns and balls,

but you back stabbed on me all of sudden with knife.

How dare, how bold, how disgusting, how ironic..... 

 

Poor you, picking wrong dummy to be dumped for. 

 

Tell me your scheme along the days,

I want to know that cheap strategies you made,

Playing with my anxiety and worries,

Rolling on my insecurity, let me suffer up,

Chained up the neck, tied up on the hips,

What kind of pain do you seek for me?

I have warned you to stay away

Don't wait I get jealous bitches up

I tell you, I used to all pains and prosecution

 

You are wrong, hiding so much nasty lies

too smart to cast a magic, too young to be trickster,

my eyes are still aching and full of disbelief,

my lips can't stop spitting on the stupidity,

So you think you are high?  how far can you go?

Who do you think you are? a golden among straws?

Don't ask for a warfare, I am too fear of blood,

It's merciless and full of tears salvage. 

 

The secrets behind your face is nonsense,

Don't be hesitant, there will be a day we have remuneration.

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Your Judgement

You look into my eyes deep in displeasing way,

You judge me like those heathens with tons of despair,

All my friends are the same and none of your taste,

So what was the problem? You don't enjoy the ride with me.

 

Rejection, objection, refusal, all you did to me,

that watermark was described well on your face,

but you pretend nothing happened and judge me twice a day,

stay swallowing all your pride, abusing my position,

thinking I am an outsider, a lower class muddy peasant.

 

What you dislike is what I love the most in the mirror,

My freakishness plays wild and attracts everyone closer,

they will follow me, they will adore me, they will fall for me,

they miss me even I am in a hundred thousand miles away,

they do, they do, they hail, they hail, but will you do the same?

 

You have trust issue, this is for real and the matter is not a fantasy,

look at the skies, even the cloud laughs on my pathetic face,

why should I maintain this maggot nest among the chest?

tickling and biting every seconds, rotting my sense and feelings,

it's killing myself, to be judged by you with those abusive look.

 

Even I always beg for mercy, think positively and forgive,

none of those attempt suit your appetite, so I am the bad girl huh?

I tried to warn you so many times, those judgement will be a regret,

Everybody knows, everybody knows, you should love me better,

So nobody does the same, and that is just what you should do. 

There won't be rage, tears, harshness or trial,

that way does not suit me either, I reply you before too

as long as you don't owe me, I don't owe you, you said

Isn't it what you talk and hope from me since the beginning?

If I ask you to take my hand on the flame, you won't I bet

A slave, a slave, a secondary, a secondary,

People read the judgement, they write it on bible,

Are you gambling? You are gambling, you judge and gamble,

Awful awful, can't you see your face and self?

I won't tie you up my highness, 

until the day of your judgement comes  

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The Hanging Man

I have ever seen those eyes,

They were spacing out,

with emptiness and sadness.

To worry about crowd, 

To prefer being left behind,

sitting with darkness,

playing with sorrow.

 

Last time I saw them,

after that those eyes were closed,

sleeping in loneliness, cold and bold

everyone was astonished when you were gone

yes, when you were gone

at last it becomes a regret, 

a too late one to lend for a hand

 

That watermark of your face,

that sign of needing somebody,

to be cared and to be loved,

to be watched and to be understood.

Where have you been? you asked

If my life costed your awareness

I will do it, so I can be remembered

 

to be remembered as a tragedy

to be remembered as an agony

yeah, it is better than being forgotten

that is what you whisper to me

so dark, so helpless, so pathetic

yet you were laughing, yet you were smiling

at least you did it......... turning cold and lifeless

 

by hanging your neck

hovering in the center of the room

to end your sick life to a rest

seeking for peace, hugging an end...

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You and Pizza

It is nowhere to be told,

there will be a moment we meet,

it feels like a sudden knock at late night,

comes of nowhere, goes of somewhere

 

Confused, yes...

Amazed, yes.....

Startled, yes......

What else? Cute and stupid you said

 

On my humble view,

I feel like waiting for a pizza delivery

from north pole, and have been waiting for years 

I think all the prays and hopes are granted

It is a truly a gift and long order I wish for

 

So what pizza are you????

 

A supreme Hawaiian pizza, my favorite

with pineapples and shredded chicken

sweet, sour and less cheese, little spicy

comes up with a funny packaging, so rigid

 

A strong person, like the roots of mahogany 

As active as radar, liquid and critical, reliable

A passionate personality, like a running wind 

A thinker, a crabby, a story teller...........

 

I feel like looking on the mirror

a person who I used to be,  it looks like me

actually losing some of them because of a tragedy

I laugh, with a little bit of envy and a pinch of pity

Where did my old self go and hide at this time?

 

Now I realize, I start getting back to my old self

after I have been caged by so many years

suppressing all what I have, what I wish

I thought it has been buried for a long time

but I was wrong, it is definitely not......

 

What I wish from our circumstances now on,

I want to eat the pizza, finish it, until I know the real taste

every little pinch of it, so I can understand the real taste

So I can understand more, so I can revive to my old self

and never miss this chance, after a long wait you come

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Other Does What You Do

I believe in the cycle of life, each of generation inherit genetically from generation before. But it is not only genes, but also behavior. I witness all those things several days ago... 

So I was bored and decided to visit a shopping mall, I took public transportation and ended up wrong one. I stopped closed to a market and looked around. An old granny with her granddaughter, a four years old cute girl was calling me "sister". 

"Sister, what is it?", she asked.

 I was startled but replying in the end, "it is Salak..."

Her eyes were turning bigger, never saw that fruit before. Yes, Salak is Salacca, a thorny palm with beige flesh, dark brown core and brown skin.

"Granny, I want it!", she was running towards her Granny who was walking slowly behind.

That granny asked the seller and ended up buying two sacks of it. 

I was planning to take another public transportation, when it was halted, waiting for more passengers, I met them again. 

That girl was sat in front of me, same with the granny.

"Granny, I want to eat that thorny fruit!", she yelled cutely. 

With no hesitant, that granny opened the rucksack, took one Salacca.

That granny started peeling the Salacca for that impatient grand daughter. 

"Shruk...... Shrukk..........."

"Here it is...", replied the granny.

She was looking at me, offering some Salacca.

"Do you want this? It's sweet and fleshy..", said that smiling Granny.

"Thank youuu for offering me..", I refused politely as the car started moving.

They are so friendly, yes indeed. But that warmness turned bad several minutes later, that Granny threw the seed and skin of Salacca through the window, exactly beside me. 

"Plong!",  the sound of the seed which was bounced and  reflected by the window, missingly thrown.

I kept in silence, waiting for that Granny to feel sorry or may be apologizing. Nope.. it never happend. My mind was not wanting there, but I saw those tiny eyes, that girl who was eating in fun. I was worried, you know why? She would imitate what that Granny did before. 

Several minutes later, nothing happend, glad that she did not imitate that way. I was released, planning to rebuke that granny.

And that disaster popped up, she was finished eating that Salacca, playing with the seed and 1,2,3...... She threw it directly to the window. Too bad, her hand threw was so weak, and it hitted my knees. Yes it did.

I was annoyed, not by her doing, but the reason why she threw that, because just now her granny did the same. Yes, she was imitating that. 

I was planning to scold them, but I remained silent as they stopped and left the car. No apologize from the granny... not at all.

Now I realize why it is very difficult to teach kids nowadays, they absorb bad habit from their family, no matter how hard you teach them, if their dearly people do not learn, it will be just pointless to break that bad mindset. I really hope, families, especially grandparents really behave well in front of the grandchildren. 

It's sarcastic yet skeptical.... 

This nation won't change if just simply not to throw rubbish in public place is so difficult imlpied.  

 

Feeling so sad by encountering this moment............    

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Manusia

Manusia itu aneh tapi nyata,

Mereka itu mahluk yang sangat perasa,

Terkadang mereka sedih dan menangis,

Tekadang tertawa terbahak-bahak ria,

Gemuruh marah bergejolak membabi-buta,

Ia, mereka itu manusia, sensitif menggelitik.

 

Manusia itu kejam dan berdarah dingin,

Mereka itu pendendam, mengalir seperti air,

Dibakar api cemburu, didera ombak kedengkian,

Digulung kebingungan, dibalut kekecewaan,

Terkadang lepas seperti binatang buas penerkam,

membunuh, merampas, menyiksa, menyakiti.

 

Manusia itu pecinta damai, pemberi kasih sayang,

Mereka itu lemah lembut, sabar, sederhana,

Sangat apa adanya, frontal, lugas dan baik,

Menyenangkan, senyumnya murah, hangat, 

membagi segala apa yang ia rasakan selama ini,

mengajarkan cinta kepada mereka supaya diwartakan.

 

Manusia itu munafik, berpura-pura tidak ada apa-apa,

mencakar diri sendiri padahal tidak gatal-gatal,

mengenakan topeng bahagia padahal bersedih gundah,

Menari-nari bak ala profesional di atas penderitaan sendiri,

menyayat perih hati sendiri padahal sudah kronis,

menabur garam di atas borok berulat sambil tertawa.

 

Ya................... Itu aku...........

Si manusia yang selalu begitu

Kata manusia lain bodoh bukan main, tolol sekali

Kata manusia lain aku terlalu baik sampai tak tau diri

Kata manusia lain tengok dia, lempar batu, jangan seperti dia,

Aku manusia, kamu manusia, dia manusia, mereka manusia.

 

Kita itu manusia, kita bisa jadi apa saja dari huruf A sampai Z,

Manusia, tapi berbeda, manusia tapi tak sama, manusia yang lain,

tapi kita semestinya punya beberapa perlakuaan yang sama,

Hidup, dicintai, dikasihi, diajak bicara, makan, belajar,

Iya, aku memang manusia, dan aku butuh itu,

terlepas dari apapun sikapku sebagai manusia.

 

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Untold Story

It was October, and all the leaves start falling,

the air is getting colder and we stay up late,

twenty four times sixty, twelve weeks of all,

a tiny innocent seed of pea grows in the yard

A hastiness, a gratefulness, a happiness

A moment where I can, you can smile everyday,
struggling with so much storm, tiresome and boredom,
but they don't, they don't feel so and nothing at all,
What is so wrong? I don't know, it feels like a fun but also wrong
A sweet scene of the air, comfy, togetherness, but in addiction

There is a story book, which I adore the most in my life,
There is an old story under the sunny heating day,
red towers, large yard, like an eastern kingdom,
a place where secondly we visit, and also for the last,
something which is undefined and untold, shouldn't be ever 
Second page of the story line, which I enjoy and entertained with,
being always together anywhere, like there is nowhere,
it's funny, you can cover up what I can't, so do I, it's funny,
fill up, cover up, supporting, assisting, backing, helping, knowing,
what else? Nope... we have done, it's over soon

I have seen the last page of the book, I know it will be burnt
on the last page, there will be a rage, anger, sadness, fight
a never ending story like a cinderella or paupers,
A disappointment has been written, well written with guilty
That is bad, I really dislike it, so I retreat and make a new page

I throw the last page up, so I draw a scene, a real drama,
with tears, sweat, sadness, half-hearted and also happiness
like an injection which let you sleep, calm down forever
So it won't be morally wrong, it will be a happy ending
for them, yes for the sake of others .......... and me too......

Eternally morally smiling while looking on the last page,
I know what we did before and where we been,
but just put it in the box and let it go,
Promising this will be an untold story forever.

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