Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Because I Am Wine

when I see with my own eyes,
how this world is so sick and helpless,
like counting on seconds and hours,
sometimes you feel like breathless,
sometimes you are out of control and tired.

But I have the ambition nor like the others,
to thank myself someday I have done the best,
because I don't want to keep guessing in my life,
I don't want to live in insecurity and no purpose,
before it is too far I arm myself here inside the heart.

I will be alright and work behind the stage,
classy like an old wine, the older I am the tasteful I am,
I am supposed to be keep going and let it fly,
as high as my dream and I know it is possible,
so when I wake at that day I see beautiful day.

Hey, nobody can change me,
hey nobody can wake me up from my eternity,
take my hands  by the time I am wine,
and let's go somewhere we can have wine all day. 

Thursday, 10 May 2018


I learn how to take responsibilities,
A year of I start realizing the society,
A year I start worry a lot and get a headache,
A year when I often have upset tummy,
imagining all those hazy future ahead.

On 22 I am scared of people,
I give borders to those who approach me romantically,
not because I don't give a chance or arrogant,
just because I am not sure with myself,
as well as a year I feel less confidence in myself.

A year when I have tooth surgery,
A year when I realize there is limit in this body,
as well as limiting what I like,
and see it as a merely temptation,
don't offer me drink this year I am not into it.

I am spacing out every time I walk around,
Is it bad? Is it good? People are staring anyway,
Sometimes I murmur I don't care who you are 
hey just don't make me cry or angry 
coz it's danger and don't get closer please.

I enjoy humming random song and it lasts everyday,
I enjoy observing small good deeds around me,
and I am scared to be pitied by people,
but I also don't have courage to talk with people,
like an empty glass, cling cling no more drink.

I enjoy giving money for those in needs,
I cut my hair to short for cancerous children,
I am happy I don't know why,
I am happy for small things around me,
and I am upset of big things around me.

I love to buy random  novels and finish it on two days,
I have meditation at night and cry out of nowhere,
I sleep with two blankets because I miss what warm is,
I try enjoying my food and cooking kimchi out of nowhere,
eating and watching variety shows which makes me laugh,
somehow I miss laugh so hard as well as cry so hard.

22 is a random year for me, 
sometimes I thought somebody curses on me,
sometimes I thought I was punished out of the blue,
sometimes I feel like I learn how to behave,
sometimes I think I know what a true lonely is,
it tastes like cold cucumber I dunno why.

but deep inside I am shaping myself,
I feel like I am sharpening a knife,
perhaps to face the world or perhaps learn how to fly,
it is a short escape, may be a long escape,
I think I try finding my lost self somewhere,
to find a meaning and to give a hit on my life.

22, with double two, perhaps it supposed to be,
I guess this life is twice as hard as you look,
but don't you think you can enjoy it twice as hard as it is?
Who knows anyway, who cares anyway
sometimes it hurts sometimes it aches around heart
sometimes it warms sometimes it touches around heart too. 

Tuesday, 24 April 2018

Hidden Memories

The moment we laugh together,
The moment we take care each other,
Now I have let it go but it will remain,
It isn't vanished but hidden somewhere.

Just mention your name makes me hurt,
then when the window is open for the air,
it wrenches my heart with loud like a storm,
so that is called as a painful love.

The hidden memories somewhere here,
knock knock my mind to always remember,
but I just feel grateful to ever love somebody,
to the fullest and with sincerity.

Now on I have to go for an adventure,
for a new memory. 

Sunday, 15 April 2018

Dark Sides

You look so black and blue,
struggle to drink glasses of truth,
the night is still long and the sky is dull,
and the melancholy put you aside of the corner.

Your finger touch trembles and turns cold,
you said you feel a dark side and it swallows you,
not so easy and difficult like you sway nowhere,
getting inside a deep dark black hole.

even when I run to get you to the dark,
those eyes are never be the same anymore,
they are wicked, lonely and destructive,
in your smile you tell me to let you be yourself.

Couple times, thousand efforts and heats,
I want you to ride with me and make you believe,
it is not a right place for you and it is a lie,
but you push me hard and wipe my hopes.

Bad things never turn good,
but good things would be someday bad,
why is it a very ugly truth?
Isn't heart change people and give lights?
Isn't love can heal those scars and pains?

We have been there in a  quiet alley,
we sang a song and drunk under falling stars,
because you smile and we run on breezy night,
like that simple feeling make so paradise.

Now you say, you don't own me...........
let me be myself, I live my life you say,
I can only stare and keep saying no,
while the dark side always ease you.

Saturday, 17 March 2018

Part 2: My Military Diet Experience

Hi readers! As I promised before, I will review my last day of military diet. Respectively my weight is 61 kg now. as expected from short term diet, this diet can help you to lose weight quickly but still I can't guarantee this suits and sustains to everyone.

Just a little note from my military diet, this morning I just realize I am not on track to my food list. So I accidentally ate my green apple yesterday (happily?) which it should be for today breakfast. I missed one food for my breakfast so I cheat it with 5 more saltine crackers to fulfill the apple calories (which is around 76 calories). I also out of tomatoes for today dinner (just realize it and I feel so upset for not having strict track on last day, lols), I change the calorie as well into a slice of wheat bread which is around 67 calories. For the rest, I am quite on track. Here below I also count on every day calories for all the food. 

So, this is my revised version for the food list: 

DAY 1 : 1570 calories 
1 tomato
1 wheat bread 
2 tbsp peanut butter
1 cup of hot tea

1 can of plain tuna
1 wheat bread

250 gram of tofu
1/2 ounce of minced chicken
1 cup of green beans
2 tomatoes
1 small green apple
1 cup of strawberry ice cream

DAY 2: 1044 calories
1 omelette without oil
1 wheat bread
1 tomatoes

1 cup of yellow bean porridge
1 boiled egg
5 saltine crackers

1 can of chicken luncheon
1 broccoli
1 carrot
1 tomato
1 soy milk

DAY 3: 1063 calories
10 saltine crackers
3 tbsp peanut butter

1 boiled egg
1 wheat bread

1 can of plain tuna
1 wheat bread
1 soy milk 

I also analyse my food composition. This diet mostly is giving you 40% of carbohydrate, 30% fat and 20% protein for your three days meal. I guess for those who want to eat lots of things in a diet, this will help you a lot. 

Hope to see whether this is sustainable or not. 

wait for my next post okay! 

Friday, 16 March 2018

My Military Diet Experience

Dear readers, 
Every women on this earth of course wishes to have a perfect body. Well I am also one of them! But my routine does not really support me to exercise more. I only have weekend to have a run or jogging while on weekday I have to attend my class since morning to 6 pm. Usually in a day I only spend 20 minutes per day to walk around. Well personally I feel like it is not enough, I believe I have to maintain my health better.

Today my weigh is around 63 kg. I wish to lost around 5-10 kg especially in the thigh area (well even though we should understand none of the diets can smaller certain parts of your body anyway, still you have to exercise). I have been through in several types of diet (such as plain soup diet, potato diet, greens diet), but as predicted they are yo-yo diet (when you finish it, you will end up to see your weight get back to the first time before you have the diet in couple days). Besides that, these diets are pretty boring. I am bored of the same food for couple days. After some searching in google and testimonies, I find this military diet. Happily this diet requires various food I can enjoy!

I have been in military diet since yesterday, it needs 3 days and a week of discipline 1500 calories limitation. Here is what I eat for these 3 days:

1 tomato
1 wheat bread 
2 tbsp peanut butter
1 cup of hot tea

1 can of plain tuna
1 wheat bread

250 gram of tofu
1/2 ounce of minced chicken
1 cup of green beans
2 tomatoes
1 small green apple
1 cup of strawberry ice cream

1 omelette without oil
1 wheat bread
1 tomatoes

1 cup of yellow bean porridge
1 boiled egg
5 saltine crackers

1 can of chicken luncheon
1 broccoli
1 carrot
1 tomato
1 soy milk

5 saltine crackers
3 tbsp peanut butter
1 small apple

1 boiled egg
1 wheat bread

1 can of plain tuna
2 tomatoes
1 soy milk

The composition of the food is not exactly above. I mean you can change the food with military substitution, for example in the military diet it requires banana, since I dislike banana, I change it into tomato instead. Or if you are vegetarian, you can change all the lean meat into tofu (I did it in the first day because I am not into meat on that day). If you dislike saltine crackers, you can change it into rice crackers as well. You can change everything as long as it has same calories. 

yesterday I measured my food calories by counting all of them, so the result is around 1570 calories. I believe these food are designated for you to eat only around 1500 calories per day. This diet also prioritizes protein than carbohydrates and sugar.

For all the food, honestly I do the shopping in the same day. I spend around 187.000 rupiahs for all the food in these 3 days. so it is around 60 rupiahs per day food.  

Well today when I weigh on my body, it is around 61,5 kg. this result is usually highly expected in every diet, but hopefully it sustains for next couple days. 

I will tell you my next report tomorrow! ;) 

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

The Words

All those words which have been told before,
always remain in my heart and never get cold,
even these eyes can see none and these ears won't listen,
even this mind has gone and this body has no soul,
I will always put your words in the bottom of my heart.

sometimes words lie, sometimes words hurt,
what one says sometimes is not the truth,
sometimes words contradict with inside of our heart,
and words can differ from every single one's interpretation,
but you know, even wrong interpretation make things look worst,
we forgive, we understand, we smile and laugh each other with words,
then those old words turn to feel so warm as a youthful memories.

words are human existence as well as weakness,
because sometimes words are difficult to be spoken,
with words, sometimes we hide in the darkness, 
sometimes we use words to reveal the truth,
Essentially those words are both powerful and unforgettable.

I want you to know when I wake up somewhere later,
there are tons of sorry and goodbye I would like to say,
my dear, sorry for not accomplishing all those promises we had,
sorry for not being there in your most difficult time,
I know it breaks your heart and I am sorry we fight a lot.

meanwhile I wish you will be always happy and enjoy your life,
goodbye for our latest apart and let us see each other,
in another world with full of blooms and flower scent,
and at that time I will wait you in the entrance as your forever guide,
as your forever day, and end is always a new beginning.

no matter how complicated words are,
there are always words for everyone,
like a sunshine which resemble your ways,
with colorful light and reminds me your warm smile,
like a huge flower garden and evergreen deep inside me.

Do you know my favorite words from you?
It is when you say "I love you", and I tell you I love you too,
those words turn into a light and rushing in my blood,
a light which shines my path and lighten my sight,
those words give me a life, give me a faithful happiness, 
those words give me a shoulder to depend on
those words give me a meaning to keep going on.  

Because of those words,
even when I vanish to ashes,
and even I will no more coming back,
your words, your existence, your love,
will always be there in my heart.