Thursday 10 May 2018

22

I learn how to take responsibilities,
A year of I start realizing the society,
A year I start worry a lot and get a headache,
A year when I often have upset tummy,
imagining all those hazy future ahead.

On 22 I am scared of people,
I give borders to those who approach me romantically,
not because I don't give a chance or arrogant,
just because I am not sure with myself,
as well as a year I feel less confidence in myself.

A year when I have tooth surgery,
A year when I realize there is limit in this body,
as well as limiting what I like,
and see it as a merely temptation,
don't offer me drink this year I am not into it.

I am spacing out every time I walk around,
Is it bad? Is it good? People are staring anyway,
Sometimes I murmur I don't care who you are 
hey just don't make me cry or angry 
coz it's danger and don't get closer please.

I enjoy humming random song and it lasts everyday,
I enjoy observing small good deeds around me,
and I am scared to be pitied by people,
but I also don't have courage to talk with people,
like an empty glass, cling cling no more drink.

I enjoy giving money for those in needs,
I cut my hair to short for cancerous children,
I am happy I don't know why,
I am happy for small things around me,
and I am upset of big things around me.

I love to buy random  novels and finish it on two days,
I have meditation at night and cry out of nowhere,
I sleep with two blankets because I miss what warm is,
I try enjoying my food and cooking kimchi out of nowhere,
eating and watching variety shows which makes me laugh,
somehow I miss laugh so hard as well as cry so hard.

22 is a random year for me, 
sometimes I thought somebody curses on me,
sometimes I thought I was punished out of the blue,
sometimes I feel like I learn how to behave,
sometimes I think I know what a true lonely is,
it tastes like cold cucumber I dunno why.

but deep inside I am shaping myself,
I feel like I am sharpening a knife,
perhaps to face the world or perhaps learn how to fly,
it is a short escape, may be a long escape,
I think I try finding my lost self somewhere,
to find a meaning and to give a hit on my life.

22, with double two, perhaps it supposed to be,
I guess this life is twice as hard as you look,
but don't you think you can enjoy it twice as hard as it is?
Who knows anyway, who cares anyway
sometimes it hurts sometimes it aches around heart
sometimes it warms sometimes it touches around heart too.