The Love On The Other Way

Dear my sweet being,

my dearly piece of missing heart,

my partner and my angel,

my happiness in light and dark, 

come closer and I will welcome you.

I wish you are coming home soon,

when you always bring my happiness,

either in a storm or a strike of lighting,

because you can guard and keep me safe,

while I sleep on your tender shoulder,

dreaming about peaceful and shine,

among this cruelty of world and harms.

dear my other lonely part,

I feel how clueless of our routes,

but I always pray to almighty God,

may the angel guides every steps you make,

since your birth and until today you are.

you are my destiny and I am waiting,

until the day you can lay down your head,

as I touch your hair and embrace your boredom,

and sing a kind of lullaby until you fall sleep,

until we meet in a dream where we can run together,

and sing and dance among the golden wheat.

I will put the crown on your head,

because you are and the only King in my life,

as I entitle my loyalty to you,

as I give everything to you and only,

forever for you and nobody can distance us. 

Until the day will come,

until those joyful delight approach,

I will wait and wait when the bridge shows up,

when the full moon meet the night sky,

when our steps are rushing and our eyes open,

we will meet and become one. 

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The Ageless Dream

The moon is red and the air is bold,

she spends her time looking on the moon,

breathing the night air like the same day,

chasing someone's pavement,

the one and only she has in life.

She spent her youth and ages,

surrounding by her immortal look,

red lips, dark hair, pale skin and cheeks,

deep inside tortured by her eternity,

sometimes with tears sometimes pathetic laugh.

How long has it been?

A hundred or a thousand years,

from timeless journey to endless ways,

she saw every sides of humanity time to time,

thrilled, bored of and disgust of them.

One day she met this person,

a man with strong will and cares,

someone who can share her pain,

someone who she is seeking for of this entire life,

out of nowhere he was a gift of a spring time.

they spent the days with imperfection,

but all the things seemed flawless and fine,

like an utopia they lived happily after,

an ever dream which would never vanish,

then all the stories are well said and written.

But one day the man died of aging sickness,

they were different world and beings,

like she was punished with her sins,

she scattered among the fireflies,

with tireless tears and long wait.

She is always there on his grave,

praying countless words, days and decades,

longing for shorter wait and longer meet,

to die without reasons and feel,

with her ageless dream to be with him forever. 

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Rotten Pride

I always look up and above,

seeking for dreams and hopes,

raising my voice in the echo,

writing my vows over the dew.

I wish I can fly up and up,

no matter how high I will be,

I will always be the queen or king,

top of the peak walking on the sea.

but I will always remember,

how consecutively I fall and be upset,

how God you lean me your shoulder I cry,

how pitiful I was thinking I am the best,

because I am no one more than a rotten pride.

How clueless I am to think everything is logical,

how disrespectful my lonely rhyme I sound,

because I am here and I am small,

because the wings I shine more has rippled up.

The life I share and I walk right now,

will be rotten to the soil and hustling on earth,

then and now I am one, I am skin and bones,

I am the rotten meat with a weak soul.

I am buried down here,

sleeping forever after,

gulping on my rotten pride,

and asking for love and sorry to You. 

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Forgiveness

The sun is showered by tears,

rippled by droplet of water and blood,

The sky is blue but crumbled with fire,

the war has started and the game begins,

and every broken heart screams for help,

but nobody is home to comfort you for real.

My body burns to red like hell,

boiling, drizzling, flipping, torturing,

screaming for the scars I do not atone,

but my grip went wrong and weaker,

instead of guilty, I laugh to joy and excitement,

like I feel so bad to myself, as the one who can't forgive.

Why is it so difficult to forget hatred? 

Why do people cannot forgive each other?

Why can't you put all your faults to bed?

Why don't you get rid of that monster out of your head?

Why do you share your pain to mine?

Oh lord, I am the lost child who has born,

and I give my arms to be grabbed for the lost,

but I was betrayed for making use of myself,

they whip me like the meat hanging on market,

licking my fluid and oil cutting the skin and throat.

I lost in my echo, I paralyze myself,

only two balls of eyes are still waking in disbelief,

what can I do for you? What can I do?

I always cry and now on learn loving abuse,

and I am used to see blood stains cover my cold feet.

Holy God and all holy so called holy,

please listen to me and don't speak any to me,

I just wish my sins won't be dried up to regret,

I just wish the one who did this won't retreat,

Call this either a curse or forgiveness,

I want that guy to know.........................

I mention the name and I repeat,

as I close my eyes and look at the putrid ceiling,

at the end I have forgiven him for everything, 

I close the pray to my last bed, sleep tight to eternity. 

 

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The Taste

there were various tastes,

but none of them impress me as yours,

as well as various flavors,

but none of them embrace my soul as his,
cause you are and only the taste I am looking for.

the taste of a sweet peach,

and smells of solid tangerine,

either sweet or entertaining,

like a cake with sincere cream,

with crumbles of vanillas within.

You are the taste I love the most,

since I see those eyes behind the glasses,

since I see those face behind your smiles,

You are the taste I am looking for,

we are meant to be together, it's you.

I wish you could be brave to tell me your taste,
ain't guessing but I wish it was how I taste,
when you know the touch, breathe and feel,
you will never walk alone again,
and I will always stay with you side by side.

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Mike India Alfa

A story of initially Mike,

a strong woman of 33,

a female of steel and iron,

struggling from dusk until dawn,

swinging by gun and harassment,

gladly she is alive......

To overcome that fears,

light up by pierce of fires,

lighten her eyes under a church,

hugged by beloved king of her life,

still walking and pacing in a law world,

she rules her path with pains and scars,

over her body and soul....

Clinging, rumbling, crushing,

she wishes for freedom and happiness,

but sign of the times always fetch her show,

she learns to fly again like a baby bird,

enjoying all the sights and laugh happily,

even the shards among the wrest are real,

she wishes to get away from here.....

She stops crying and end all the past before,

she learns.......... she learns........ 

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I Wish You Reply Me Back

I know I don't stand a chance,

among all those beauties and fancies,

with them I am small,

with the comparative I have none.

But I see your smiles and empathy,

yet I know I only get the crumbles,

a little attention and simple talks,

sometimes we laugh and joke.

I guess nothing is special about me,

Neither in your heart or your shoulder,

wouldn't be a space for me?

Or probably a seat besides you.

I still have a high hope,

like a phrase you posted last time,

a song of an anxiety as well as new leave,

it ain't easy, it ain't smooth, it is an opportunity,

cause we were born with too many differences. 

but you should know my dear,

you are a first angel I have ever seen,

who makes me smile again from that sorrow,

who makes me dance into laughter,

a moment when I start understanding people.

Again, I was raised by your little touch,

with thousand flaws I was born with,

I wish you reply me back,

and see me in person with cups of tea.

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The Woman With Glassy Eyes

young, bold and red,

like a fresh gem named ruby,

a stone of justice and  perfection,

attractiveness and confidence within,

like nobody could see and predict certainty.

I see your scars through your eyes,

they are glassy and fear of disappointment,

they are watered neither in joy or harmony,

they are always awaken and sleepless,

nevertheless you act like there is always tomorrow.

you cover smiles with powdery cheeks,

Yes you are an awesome woman I had never seen,

that tiny little tiring body is unbeatable, 

you are armored by destiny and small calling,

of that little boy on his 4 years life time old.

so called bad past, broken and bleed,

with or without scars you are still moving,

your words are firm and with spell of truth,

your dreams are stars but your move are light speed,

opportunities are ahead and you will mount on it.

The stone of ruby, like how the name is a destiny,

a precious dearly truthful woman with high energy,

no wonder whatever things happen with your life,

you are lighted by God and your courage ever be. 

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I Saw An Angel

I saw an angel last 16,

with his translucent wings,

sparkling smile and innocent eyes,

his touch is sincere and admirable,

his words are green mantras,

ear worming as well as healing.

the skies are neither blue or light,

the skies ain't gloomy but clearly warm,

yet I see the sunlight pierce through him, 

yet I see the clouds are dancing among him,

he looks like a perfect dream and fantasy,

he looks like an extra terrestrial creatures.

 

I feel like a lost child and possessed by curiosity,

who the heck this goodness look of an angel,

in my deepest ground, I adore, I like, I fall,

I love episodes of your emanation,

from heaven tighten with a letter from dearly God,

like it is written I won't miss any of your harmony.

The first time you give your hands and look,

how could you spell my name like you spell a heal?

how could you see my weak soul like you know my pain?

absurd, it's totally absurd but you are truly my healing angel,

my mother god like nothing is terrible than this gratefulness,

For real, I saw an angel, a healing angel in front of me. 

   

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My Reply For That Old Self

The tears I have shed for you

like million drops of rain water

swirling and cursing my soul and mind

caging me in dark shades and pain

by losing precious trust and hopes

seven months of forgetting and counting days

so why today with a simple question and talk

Why do we have to hurt each other?

If you were certain to meet me someday

Am I paying certain sin or perhaps I was cursed

today won't be like this awful with some flash back

I will always feel just the same goodbye for you

it could not be changed for every next and last

nothingness and emptiness from my heart

has scattered and disappeared among my newly leaves

So I want to become stronger and better

So alone again, it is okay rather than hunted

with guilt of sins I do not atone

with the tiresome days and sadness

I wish the blossoms grow prettier on our ways

The distance between us is a fate we choose

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My Self Portrait Poem

I see towards a mirror,

There is someone with a smile

covered with black silky hair

straight like her strong will and honesty

Her eyes are shady, filling with experience

her eyebrows are bold, like her passionate determination

Her face is imperfection, sided with spotty red scars

but she still smiles because her vision is bright

Her eyes is sparkling with the lite light 

both are watered in joy, both are with love

Her lips is pink pale, thin and warming

Her cheeks look tender as smooth as the heart she shares

I see myself as someone with various feelings

they are painted over my face and swirling in my eyes

They are not either beauty or attractive

but it surely give you a warm hug and strong trust.  

It's me............

It's me............

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Lotek, Karedok, Gado-gado: Indonesian Delicious Healthy Salads

Hi everyone, today I would like to share my experience eating delicious and healthy food from Indonesia. Three of the food is very popular, we can find it everywhere in most of Indonesian restaurant, you can also find it easily in hawker street or stalls in most of cities.  

Some people are confused of the difference among Lotek, Karedok and Gado-gado. HONESTLY, so do I, lols~ I can't even know which one is lotek or karedok or gado-gado, they just look the same, vegetables with mixed nut sauce, spices and yellow crackers. I thought they were just the same perhaps it was only different calling from each area in Indonesian. But, I was TOTALLY WRONG. They taste different, they have different ingredients and even different sauce. So what are the difference and which one do you like? Let us see from my summary.

P.s before you read further, sometimes my friends always said that I am pretty picky with food, but I am a good taster, I guess you can trust me today, don't you? *wink *wink. I dislike spicy food and oily food, I like sweet food and crunchy food but that won't change my perspective okay, I will make sure to be objective on these salads.

The Salads Bill

First of all, I bought my Lotek, Karedok and Gado-gado in a nearby restaurant in Bandung City called "Pasar Tong-Tong". Why do I choose it? Because it sold three of the salads and honestly I would like to know the difference among those salads and I believe this restaurant can give me good standard. 

Overall they look the same, with same composition of color and with nut sauce. One with egg, the other without fried tofu and cucumber, but most of it contains vegetables and make you a happy and healthy eating lifestyle.

My short review after eating each of salad

Let us see what you can find on each salad lols~

1. Lotek 

beautiful isn't it? :D

Ingredients: Fried tofu (why the color of tofu is yellowish? Most of tofu in Indonesia is brewed in cumin so the color look more tasty than milky white one), water spinach, cabbage, bean sprout, chayote, long bean and fried shallot.

Vegetables: All vegetable is boiled so it is chew-able. The vegetable is moisture and sweetly well-blended.

Nut sauce: the nut sauce is liquid, light brown color, with sweet soya sauce, little spicy and it blends well with the vegetable, it is aromatic with minced sand ginger, it smells pretty strong. I also can taste little brown sugar here, it tastes balance and amazing. I believe this will suit elderly who has less sense of taste.

If you think it is less crunchy, you can also eat it with yellow crackers, it tastes better. Anyway the banana leaf below the food is not eatable okay, it is only the way of serving in Indonesia. Lols I know this is salad, but it is not food :D      

Ups,sorry I took the sauce, lols

2. Karedok

I know this will be spicy, look at the chili seeds :')

Ingredients: cabbage, cucumber, long bean, bean sprout, nightshade, fried shallot. 

Vegetables: all vegetable is raw, this is a good salad for those who love crispiness of raw vegetables. 

Nut sauce: the nut sauce is thicker than Lotek one, less sweet, but there is still sweet soya sauce and brown sugar. The sauce does not stick to the vegetables. It is aromatic with minced lime leaves, very different than Lotek. It is quite spicy and it chokes me up lols. If you dislike spicy I guess you have to order a non spicy one. I love the crispy raw vegetables, I believe youngsters would love this and also spicy lover,  you should try this one for sure!

There is egg inside the salad, so happy!

3. Gado-gado 

Ingredients: fried tofu, fried potato, bean sprout, long bean, chayote, cucumber, boiled egg and fried shallot.

All vegetables is boiled except cucumber.

The nut sauce is as thick as Karedok, very nutty and sweet, the sauce color is also darker because of more sweet soya sauce and brown sugar. It is not spicy at all, totally delicious. I guess children will love this because it has egg and it tastes sweet. It can make you full for one portion, it suits as a healthy lunch. 

So you have known all the difference, haven't you? Besides different sauce, either thick or liquid and either sweet-spicy or sweet. it also has different vegetables and method of cooking, either raw or boiled. I also can differentiate three of them from the aromas. Karedok smells lime leaves, lotek smells like sand ginger and gado-gado smells brown and sugary. 

What is my favorite? I guess I love Lotek since it blends well with the vegetables, it tastes light but the dressing sauce is deliciously strong. Such a balance combination and I really love it!  

How to enjoy Lotek, Karedok and Gado-gado?? Actually every time we buy this food it is mixed with the nut sauce (but I request to separate it so I can show you what is inside the salads), so mixed the vegetables with nut sauce thoroughly. All salads usually serves with yellow crackers, so after mixing everything, eat a spoonful of this salad with a yellow crackers. 

a spoonful of crackers and salads, yummy!

So have you tried one? Tell me your favorite, enjoy!  

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I Give My Heart To You

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I Believe In You (PART 2)

Tidak sukses dengan SMP 1, semua pelajaranku berantakan, pertemananku biasa-biasa saja, paling hanya satu dua teman akrab di kelas. Menginjak kelas SMP 2, diriku masih tidak jauh dari masalah, hari pertama masuk kelas saja, teman depan dan belakangku bertengkar. Dua lelaki hina yang entah sebab apa, beradu mulut tidak karuan. Tiba-tiba yang di belakang entah siapa namanya pada saat itu mencengkram baju yang di depan, tak berapa lama mereka saling meninju. Entah bodoh atau apa, saat itu tubuhku bergerak sendiri, seperti ada yang mendorong dan tak sadar diriku sudah di tengah-tengah mereka. Semua diam membisu, menatap diriku, lalu aku cuma bisa bergumam hei berhenti, jangan berantem lagi. Mereka pura-pura tidak mendengar, tanpa menghiraukan diriku  mereka lanjut adu tinju hingga salah satu kepalan mereka menonjok ke pahaku. Orang bodoh juga tahu rasanya apa, saking sakitnya aku sampai terluntang layu berlutut mencari tempat duduk. Tidak lama guru wali kami datang melerai mereka. Tololnya luar biasa kejadian ini. 

Kisah aneh tapi nyata, diriku malah terlibat pertengkaran mereka. Tiba-tiba disuruh ikut maju menghadap ke guru wali. Pertanyaan pertama, kenapa berkelahi. Pertanyaan kedua, ini hari pertama kenapa berbuat onar. Diriku hanya menjawab tidak tahu, aku hanya korban Sir. Iya, panggilannya Sir, karna guru waliku itu mengajar mata pelajaran Bahasa Inggris. Oke, masalah selesai, mereka saling minta maaf dan ketika balik ke kelas, wajah anak-anak sudah melabel diriku, perempuan nakal, hahaha luar biasa sekali kemampuan label itu...........

Beberapa hari berlalu, tak banyak yang ingin berteman denganku, pada akhirnya malah akrab dengan lelaki depan dan belakang bangkuku. Ternyata mereka pembuat onar kelas, juara sekali, berisik, yang satu pernah tidak naik kelas, yang satu giginya hilang karena jatuh nakal berbuat onar. Terimakasih Tuhan, lingkungan apa ini. I don't fit on this place! Geram sekali.

Karena sudah biasa, akhirnya kami selalu ngobrol bertiga, entah kenapa jadi akrab dan bahkan tau latar belakang keluarga masing-masing. Laki-laki yang di belakang ternyata asalnya jauh dari kota, tinggal sendirian di kosan. Sehari-hari naik angkot ke sekolah, masak sendiri, menyuci sendiri, hidupnya mandiri, suka main game online, nonton anime dan main futsal. Yang depan anak yang cukup kaya, orang tuanya saudagar terkenal di kota, wajahnya modal tampang belagu, tapi sangat pintar matematika, dia pernah ikut olimpiade juga saat SD, punya kecepatan dalam menghitung super, bedanya dia bukan anak manis, pembuat onar kelas kakap, suka loncat sana-sini dan hobi main bulu tangkis. Larinya cepat, seperti kancil, dia pelari tercepat di kelas bahkan tiga besar angkatan. 

Tidak sampai di sana, pertemanan kami sampai ke daerah privat. Ternyata oh ternyata suatu ketika si lelaki belagu jatuh cinta kepada seorang perempuan yang duduk di samping kananku di kelas. Anaknya pemalu, senyumnya manis, cukup pintar dan punya tahi lalat menawan di dekat bibir. Lantas sebagai teman, kami bantu dia untuk dekat dengan si perempuan. 

(to be continued............)   

  

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I Believe In You (PART 1)

Sungguh pun seburuk apapun hidupmu, pasti setidaknya satu kali Tuhan pasti pernah menghampirimu secara langsung. Entah menolongmu, memberikanmu kekuatan, memberikanmu petunjuk atau bahkan melindungimu dari bahaya dan petaka. Hanya saja ia tidak terlihat bahkan ia bisa saja berwujud orang lain yang tidak kamu kenal. 

Sungguh pun dunia tidak adil bagi keberadaanmu, pasti setidaknya Tuhan sudah memberikan rencana yang terbaik bagimu. Rencana itu tidak akan membuatmu bersedih sepanjang waktu, rencana itu adalah hal terindah bahkan mungkin wujud itu adalah sebuah kematian bagimu.

Sungguh pun kamu menganggap tidak ada yang mendengar suaramu, ketika kamu kehilangan pilihan dan merasa tak terlihat oleh siapapun, percayalah ketika kamu memohon dengan sangat begitu dengan frustasinya benak akal sehatmu, hingga ujung titik nadirmu bahkan mengeras bagai dingin menembus tulang, di sana Tuhan tidak akan membiarkan hambaNya tak berdaya, Tuhan akan hadir untukmu.

Tulisan di atas adalah tiga hal yang sangat kupercaya, apa yang aku percaya? Aku percaya akan keberadaan Tuhan. 22 tahun diriku menginjak di bumi, begitu indahnya hidupku hingga kini dan kuharap begitu pula nanti. Sampai terkadang diriku bangun setengah sadar, masih tidak percaya kenapa sosok tubuh ini masih hidup dalam kesempurnaan. 

Pengalaman hidupku mungkin tak seluas orang-orang tua perjuangan kemerdekaan, tak seluar orang-orang terkaya di dunia juga, tapi entah kenapa aku bisa merasakan Tuhan sedang tertawa, tidak sabar menunggu bagaimana aku bisa menghadapi masa depanku yang luar biasa. Ya, Tuhan sedang mempersiapkan sesuatu yang istimewa bagiku!

Siapa bilang hidupku tak pernah gagal? Orang-orang suka sekali bilang begitu. Kamu beruntung sekali bisa menang ini, kamu beruntung sekali bisa lulus duluan, kamu beruntung sekali bisa bertemu orang itu, kamu beruntung sekali orang tuamu baik, kamu kamu kamu........ Ia, itu aku. Begitu lincah lidah orang-orang bersilat, terkadang terasa iri, terasa getir tapi semoga menginspirasi orang-orang. Asam garam sudah kulalui. 8 tahun lalu, sosok mungil diriku bukan apa-apa. Anak SMP tomboy, gendut, kasar, penindas, sok pintar dan sombong. Tidak ada yang tahan lihat sosok itu, sekali jalan siapapun pasti kesal. Tiga tahun begelut menguji kepintaran, lomba apapun aku hantam, hasilnya sudah pasti gagal, bahkan sudah sampai titik guruku jika mendengar aku ikut, dia pilih mundur mencari anak didik lain. Miris bukan? Mana ada yang mau dengan diriku yang aneh ini...... Dulu aku berpikir begitu. Hingga suatu saat aku menangis di kamar, kesakitan karena tidak pernah berhasil dalam apapun. Rasanya jika berteriak bisa tsunami, kesal, sedih, pilu, tertindas, rasanya sakit sekali kenapa bisa begitu. Aku tidak pernah berhasil dalam apapun, tidak ada yang menginginkan aku. 

Amarahku semakin membara, hingga di satu titik diriku menyalahkan Tuhan. Hey Tuhan, kenapa kau ciptakan diriku yang hina ini? Kenapa aku tidak mati saja, tidak berguna. Kerjaku hanya menghabiskan beras di rumah, tidur-tiduran main game menghabiskan listrik keluarga. Belajarku tidak sukses,bahkan PR pertamaku 0 angkanya, itu halaman pertama di bukuku, bahkan besar sekali 0 nya sampai-sampai semua orang tau ketika membagikan buku di depan kelas. 

Tidak hanya itu, diriku ditunjuk menjadi sekretaris kelas. Baru seminggu aku sudah dipecat, karena lupa bawa absensi kelas dan tidak pernah akrab dengan teman-teman kelas. Haduh, orang macam apa diriku ini, sangat tidak bisa diandalkan, diberi tanggung jawab ibarat menimba air, airnya kutumpahkan semua tanpa sebab. Rasanya kacau sekali menjalani hidup ini. 

(to be continued............)   

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Wired Life

when my life turns 20s,

truths and fates wired me tightly,

things go crazy and unpredictable,

sometimes I scream for help,

sometimes I puzzled of every steps.

I wait for somebody far away,

praying for shorter wait,

and prolong the meeting,

to open a door of world and happiness,

to whom I belong to and cherish for.

I crawl on thousand stairs,

looking on misery and suffocation,

and all my time lines are shredded by tears,

and blood of dusty sincerity,

This body can't freeze in the end

I want to cut the rope of what is written

But who I am in the past and today?

Merely a human with too much hopes

and infinite vespers among day by day

till we can see each other somewhere forever 

let me escape from this destiny

let me breathe,
let me fly in freedom,
let me choose and determine my path,
what it is supposed to be,

and it will be, will be, will be.

Once in this life time, one and only

lend me your magic and blessings

my dearly God, give me chance

to help all those needed, to cheers all the upset
to change the world, to be a more beautiful living. 

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That Old Feel

I am flying with broken wings

fading into shadows of disappointment

How come I was left behind without you?

With a sun still shines but the earth is frosting

All the little pieces of you turns cold

and through the endless questions I got so tired

too much terrible reasons with hundred emptiness

with logic and arguments, they are heartless

as rude as your heart and darker than black

Maybe someday you will wake up of nowhere

remembering all the things we have passed

missing something you used to feel and have

When you try remembering where you could buy that feel

you realize that pretty and warm taste was a dream

As you walk between the alley, breathing on my name

That is called as memories and also fears of loneliness

that is also glow of tears and crack of selfishness

as the time stops and all turn into zero

Always remembered

nobody will be there as the same

as shiny as the old days.

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