Was It?

Was it yesterday we run and compete together?

Was it yesterday we seek for our own dreams?

Was it yesterday we wake up and share all the good bad things?

Was it cold just to pass like strangers and pretend not knowing?

God knows how I feel, but I am happy for you.

Even if I can't understand what we are doing right now.

Was it yesterday we were in the same room?

Was it yesterday you catch my eyes but it feels plain?

Was it yesterday you saw me from the corner but kept talking to other?

Was it yesterday the food turned cold and taste bland for no reasons?

God knows how you feel, terribly awkward but life must go on.

You don't have to understand, you just need to walk away and start new page.

Let's stop the madness, nothing can make you higher,

nobody can comfort himself and only yourself will understand the most,

put the shoes on, outside of the room is still raining, 

never mind don't keep calling coz it will be sunny soon,

sooner or later, it is only sorry and thanks we can keep saying,

it happens no matter how, don't stuck and good luck.  

 

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Imperfection

All people has many flaws,

We have scars, wounds and weakness,

We come from many stories,

Trauma, hatred, inheritance, loss,

We always want all of these to disappear.

Some people cover them,

some people try to get rid of them,

some people are frustrated of them,

some people are lying about not having them,

we are ashamed and fear of them.  

Imperfection is always imperfection,
The way you understand where they come from,
The more you think you have troubles,
Trouble in yourself, in your action, in your soul,
Aching your heart and distracting your mind.

I want to be friend with my imperfection,
Get along with it and don't want to let it hurt,
I want to be a partner of my imperfection,
To love them so they can overcome the reality,
To make them tough and become my uniqueness.

I want to overshadow my imperfection with my happiness,
When I feel happy everything is fine for some time,
I want to tell people about my friend imperfection,
Because when people understand they will tolerate it,
But who am I and my imperfection to begin for?

Imperfection said it is a reality you cannot change,
Imperfection said when people know people will find my weakness,
Imperfection said it will last forever inside me,
Imperfection is always be there and nowhere to go,
Imperfection is sealed inside me and die within me.

So I understand imperfection,
hugging my imperfection, looking into its both eyes,
Telling imperfectio  everything is just fine,
We will be okay, because it has me, and I have it,
because together, imperfection is me too.

Always be me and it's me,
Imperfection and what I want, we are no different,
If I love myself I love imperfection,
And if I hurt myself I hurt my imperfection,
So imperfection, stay with me, you will always be me.

The road is still long way to go,
Let's go together and we see the sunrise,
Let's go together and we see the sunset,
There are many beautiful things we can see together,
Hold my hands, we will find all the way until the edges of the world!

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Mister Stranger

Hi, Mister stranger you should know this,

you are cute from up to toe and tickle my sight,

I know you try to sneak in and talk to me personally,

but you are so shy that we always end up talking in a crowd,

I know you are annoyed when other people intervene,

especially when you want to know my personality.

Once you ask what activities I like to do,

I said the mountain is more delightful than a beach,

what do you think about me? I wonder.

As I want to ask the vice versa, then somebody pops up.  

He said excitedly, I also like a mountain like you! 

You frown in annoyance, you dislike the little guest.

So I chuckle and see what you do about this time.

You remain silent, probably slightly annoyed. 

really want to cuddle you on your sulky red face,

I hug you in my imagination and helplessly remain giggling in blush.

on my little tiny chamber of heart I said poor you little boy, 

please be courage next time and I will always be with you. 

Mister Stranger, I want to know you more,

I want to know where you travel to and about your life,

please let me in and open a little space for me to sit,

to listen on your story as a youngster and today you as well,

Mister Stranger, I don't know what this feeling is,

But you make my heart skips a beat and gently touch my heart,

with your kindness, adultness and braveness, I can't forget.

Mister Stranger, every night I always dream about your smile,

and you sit beside me whispering about your journey and will,

you know how to please me very well since the beginning,

how can I forget you, Mr Stranger? You are something for me,

You protect me from an enemy and we ever play together,

what I love from you is sharing the raid to me, I know it's silly.

Mister, one day if I grow older, I want to stand side by side with you,

I want to mature up and being independent so I can protect you too!

I want to cook for you, iron your shirt and make a hot chocolate at night,

Mister never chooses to whom he protects, he attacks people who hurt me,

I like him, I adore him, he is like both my shield and long sword,

So Mister, where can I meet you again? I miss you day by day. 

 

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Hello 2019!

Hello readers!

Belated Happy New Year and welcome to 2019! This post will be dedicated for a summary of my 2018 year. Many things happened of course in a year. Elating, amusing, upsetting and so on. Let's see what I can summarise!

Around January 2018, I travelled to Malaysia and I saw many improvements in the neighbouring country if I compare it to my country. I got many chances to taste the delicacy of Malaysian food and got a surprising experience. I was visiting a night hawker street and an uncle said I spoke like a very fine native English with a Chinese face. It was very both amusing and entertaining for me, it was a very nice compliment. I also found a good song during my visit, some people open the song on their home, I pay attention to some housings area and the neighbourhood enjoyed Wang Lee Hom song! 😆 If you want to try to listen to the song here is the link. 王力宏 leehom Wang《再見英雄》 (I still listen on it sometimes, the song has deep lyric by the way). 

Besides visiting Malaysia, in January I also got my first surgery on my life. I suffered from a long lasted migraine, backache and itchy eardrums on 2017. After several medical checks up, I suffered impacted tooth. I need a big surgery because the root of my tooth has impacted my blood vessel. It was not a nice experience indeed, it was a big momentum on my life, I feel the hospital is so lonely, sad and it is close to death. I become so melancholic in the hospital. But gratefully, I am healthy and I can do my activities very well until today, it's a big thanks to my doctor, he is very wise and experienced. My parents also support me well, I feel so happy with my surroundings.

Around April, it was my first time I played and enjoyed a war game. The name of the game is Rage of Kings, well it changes to several different names with different version too. People who play this game are various, from youngsters, teens, old man, very old man, old lady and so on from around the world. People here are very dramatic, full of politics, and very sensitive. like in a day they can be friends and on the same day, they fight each other. Well, it's a war game after all, LOL. The good thing is that no matter how bad it sounds, there are also good and wise people. At first, I play it for fun, but I get a nice alliance. I like to pay attention to the people honestly. It was fun. Yes, it was! It's past tense because my alliance is somehow... how to say......... broken?! 😅😅😅😅😅 Well, it's a game I know. It's for fun, I kinda have to enjoy it I guess. Well, I miss the old ambiance, but nothing is mortal, so moving on is the best options I believe.

On 1st of June, I visited juvenile prison in Sukamiskin district. I never get the chance to visit a prison in my life, so this is my first experience. I love kids, they are bright, beautiful and smart. But some situation does not support kids to be so. Some turn to be juvenile, they do crimes like stealing, raping, bullying and so on. Of course, these kids should not be judged for his/her entire life, they must be restored so they get the chance to get back to the society and here the juvenile prison accommodate it. This place is very beautiful, it is like expensive exclusive dormitories and schools. Juveniles here are very polite and educated. they are well maintained and they do many positive activities like soccer, having a pet, planting and boy/girl scout organization. they also taught by a very good English teacher, Mexican soccer coach, and wise religion teachers. This is a very precious experience of my life! I hope these kids can get back to society and become good people for the nation and worldwide!

On the month of June, I also got back to work again with United Nations ILO. It was fun, my mentor (also my dear lecturer) led me to a very nice experience! I am happy to be with her project, it was awesome, we traveled a lot from one place to other places, meeting awesome people in Ministry, court, labor union and many more. We also got the chance to visit Semarang City for meeting and a short travel trip.

In July, I started a new sport for a better lifestyle. I do yoga in the gym every Monday and Thursday. I also do acro-yoga. I think yoga suits my body, it makes my soul feels better and realizing sore and stiff back. Some movements are easy to be practiced at home. I still maintain the sport until today. I hope it can help with my metabolism and balance my bad lifestyle as Nocturnal. 

Starting from July, I also temporarily stopped using my Instagram. I think Instagram is very toxic social media. Although sometimes the information is good provided and useful, some users are not smart enough to keep their privacy and give too much privacy. I feel my life is thrice better without it, I feel more productive and I don't have to be so nosy of others' people lives. I am the captain of my life so I do what I want and I think best, not based on comments and people likes. I also don't have to glue on my phone, it felt so sick to be like that. I will make a comeback someday, but with less detail and not so soon.

Around August, my social media was being hacked. It was a not a nice experience honestly. A person from the train company got a leaked number of my phone and passcode. gladly I did manage to secure my accounts. It is highly recommended to change password routinely. I should make it as a habit from now on.

On September-November, I didn't do many activities, I focused on my study, my thesis proposal too, working as well as maintaining my body with Yoga. I had a bad eating composition during these three months. I used boost force (Echinacea Purpurea herb and Elderberry dry extract) since December until today to keep me awake and do my activity normally. I also increased my vitamin C intake. My study got very difficult lately, some come from unfairness system and during my split focus to work and study. Gladly I managed to finish it all, it was tiring and time-consuming.

On December, I am satisfied with a good movie titled Natsume Yuujinchou Utsusemi ni Musubu Movie. It is a very good movie, very heartwarming and touchy. It taught me how to be grateful for my life and life does not come twice so we should make precious memories. Well, I won't make a spoiler of the story here, hehehee~ If you are curious about it, try to watch it. It's a beautiful one. 

On the same month, I also met my ex after several years we didn't meet in real life. I think to re-communicate with the ex is something which is a very wise thing I can learn from my life. I believe it takes lots of courage to meet somebody who used to be close to you and we make mistakes together (or perhaps in some cases it is one-sided). Life is wide and big, in my opinion, it is not nice to hate somebody for a long time and I am not such a person. I believe both of us have some kind of afraid of anxiety that probably each of us still resent on each other for a long time. I didn't let negative feelings influence my life too much and I believe hatred is very toxic and bad, it is like a nasty scar which never been healed, I am not into on it honestly. I think it is a good idea that I take the chance to re-communicate again respectfully, I want to respect my ex for his courage to talk and to communicate to me as well. We had some casual talk, and since he is older than me, he shared some of his good experience in life, we also talk about many things regarding future life and I hope he does the best of his life.                 

That is for 2018, overall it is a pleasant year and I am looking forward to a more beautiful year in 2019. Resolution? Hmm... I rarely make a resolution, but I really wish I can explore to more countries this year, meet and connect to more people in the world, and I really want to make a big thing in my life (probably about growing the florist or trying something new). I also start a good habit from my government for not using the plastic bag every time we go shopping since January 2019. Although sometimes I forgot to bring my own recycle bag, I really want strictly limit myself to use plastic in my everyday life. 

I hope everybody has a beautiful year in 2019, stay healthy, enjoy your life and don't forget to keep caring for each other to the environment! 

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Kids Story

Title: Froghog

Live a frog and a hog. Frog likes hog to hop. hey hog hey hog, where today we jog? hog replied hey frog hey frog, why ask me, I am not a dog! then frog ask hog to hop in front of a fog. they walk and tell joke until they saw a log on an oak. it said "No hog, no frog, if pass they will be chopped." their mind clog and remain to be unspoken. then frog thinks and pokes hog. Hey hog, hey hog, let's just go and hope. Hey frog hey frog, are you dumb to joke! we will be chopped! said hog almost like being choked. hey hog hey hog, don't worry let's hop. then they hop and meet a giant eagle croaks. Knock! Knock! Woo I like tasty hog and frog with a coke! then frog tell croaked eagle to stop. i am froghog, a poisonous speciment, don't eat froghog, you might choke to death, no joke! eagle stops to croak, fearing of being choked. so he lets froghog to pass the log. Froghog, the smart creature pass the fog, frog and hog then happily live surrounding the world.  

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Apa Arti "k" Dalam Satuan Harga Barang atau Jasa?

Hi readers! 

Pasti sering banget lagi belanja online atau belanja sehari-hari kita selalu menemukan huruf "k" di belakang angka harga barang. Misalnya harga pakaian Rp. 234.000,- menjadi 234k. Atau ada di tulisan-tulisan banner counter penjual hp biasa menulis harga handphone Rp.5.000.000,- menjadi 5000k. Kata-kata ini juga sering dong kalian temui saat percakapan belanja online, hi sis atau hi gan, hi min ini berapa harganya? Kemudian dijawab ini 300k atau yang ini 235k. Lantas muncul di benak kalian apa sih "k" ini?

"k" di belakang angka harga barang atau jasa yang sering kalian temui diambil dari bahasa Yunani "Chilioi"yang berarti "ribu", kata Chilioi kemudian diresap ke dalam bahasa Perancis menjadi "Kilo" yang juga berarti ribu. Kata Kilo kemudian berkembang menjadi banyak satuan, misalnya kilogram, kilowatt, kilometer dan lain sebagainya. Misalnya 1 kilogram = 1 x 1000 gram. Dengan demikian, huruf k yang sering kita temui berarti sama dengan Kilo di Perancis yang berarti ribu. 

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Sweet and Tasty

Hands are feeling cold,

my nails are well polished in velvet,

my skin are half open and wide,

with that silky dress I walk away,

oh it's rain pour and pour like hell,

but I don't run and I walk like model.

My eyes catch into yours like I see world,

and the night is like promises and fairy tale,

so we talk dance and laugh away as lovely,

don't go away and you say you can't find the way,

isn't it lovely to fall all alone to somebody you want?

waiting the time ticks more and have a space.

don't be that way, don't be this way,

we are too shy to treat each other too well,

impatience and rush but careful too each other,

sometimes like a broken glass, sometimes perfect A+,

I feel like a whore and a passionate partner in same time,

 at the end to say I love you to each other is a promise,

I talk to the mirror I talk to my body and I lost my mind. 

Hurt and we shake may be we break each other,

we know we have risk and made mistakes,

but rather than forgive we cuddling each other,

and only you know the way I could tear apart,

if things come earlier when we were younger and bold,

may be we won't end up the same like tonight. 

Sweet and joyful only come in one sight,

to listen on yours and my weaknessess,

things are unspoken and we vanish each other,

at the moment we are gone and never see again,

as we promise it's only for the sweet and taste,

may be next life we have the chance to be better,

No more and nor like now anymore.  

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Because I Am Wine

when I see with my own eyes,

how this world is so sick and helpless,

like counting on seconds and hours,

sometimes you feel like breathless,

sometimes you are out of control and tired.

But I have the ambition nor like the others,

to thank myself someday I have done the best,

because I don't want to keep guessing in my life,

I don't want to live in insecurity and no purpose,

before it is too far I arm myself here inside the heart.

I will be alright and work behind the stage,

classy like an old wine, the older I am the tasteful I am,

I am supposed to be keep going and let it fly,

as high as my dream and I know it is possible,

so when I wake at that day I see beautiful day.

Hey, nobody can change me,

hey nobody can wake me up from my eternity,

take my hands  by the time I am wine,

and let's go somewhere we can have wine all day. 

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22

I learn how to take responsibilities,

A year of I start realizing the society,

A year I start worry a lot and get a headache,

A year when I often have upset tummy,

imagining all those hazy future ahead.

On 22 I am scared of people,

I give borders to those who approach me romantically,

not because I don't give a chance or arrogant,

just because I am not sure with myself,

as well as a year I feel less confidence in myself.

A year when I have tooth surgery,

A year when I realize there is limit in this body,

as well as limiting what I like,

and see it as a merely temptation,

don't offer me drink this year I am not into it.

I am spacing out every time I walk around,

Is it bad? Is it good? People are staring anyway,

Sometimes I murmur I don't care who you are 

hey just don't make me cry or angry 

coz it's danger and don't get closer please.

I enjoy humming random song and it lasts everyday,

I enjoy observing small good deeds around me,

and I am scared to be pitied by people,

but I also don't have courage to talk with people,

like an empty glass, cling cling no more drink.

I enjoy giving money for those in needs,

I cut my hair to short for cancerous children,

I am happy I don't know why,

I am happy for small things around me,

and I am upset of big things around me.

I love to buy random  novels and finish it on two days,

I have meditation at night and cry out of nowhere,

I sleep with two blankets because I miss what warm is,

I try enjoying my food and cooking kimchi out of nowhere,

eating and watching variety shows which makes me laugh,

somehow I miss laugh so hard as well as cry so hard.

22 is a random year for me, 

sometimes I thought somebody curses on me,

sometimes I thought I was punished out of the blue,

sometimes I feel like I learn how to behave,

sometimes I think I know what a true lonely is,

it tastes like cold cucumber I dunno why.

but deep inside I am shaping myself,

I feel like I am sharpening a knife,

perhaps to face the world or perhaps learn how to fly,

it is a short escape, may be a long escape,

I think I try finding my lost self somewhere,

to find a meaning and to give a hit on my life.

22, with double two, perhaps it supposed to be,
I guess this life is twice as hard as you look,
but don't you think you can enjoy it twice as hard as it is?
Who knows anyway, who cares anyway
sometimes it hurts sometimes it aches around heart
sometimes it warms sometimes it touches around heart too. 

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Hidden Memories

The moment we laugh together,

The moment we take care each other,

Now I have let it go but it will remain,

It isn't vanished but hidden somewhere.

Just mention your name makes me hurt,

then when the window is open for the air,

it wrenches my heart with loud like a storm,

so that is called as a painful love.

The hidden memories somewhere here,

knock knock my mind to always remember,

but I just feel grateful to ever love somebody,

to the fullest and with sincerity.

Now on I have to go for an adventure,

for a new memory. 

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Dark Sides

You look so black and blue,

struggle to drink glasses of truth,

the night is still long and the sky is dull,

and the melancholy put you aside of the corner.

Your finger touch trembles and turns cold,

you said you feel a dark side and it swallows you,

not so easy and difficult like you sway nowhere,

getting inside a deep dark black hole.

even when I run to get you to the dark,

those eyes are never be the same anymore,

they are wicked, lonely and destructive,

in your smile you tell me to let you be yourself.

Couple times, thousand efforts and heats,

I want you to ride with me and make you believe,

it is not a right place for you and it is a lie,

but you push me hard and wipe my hopes.

Bad things never turn good,

but good things would be someday bad,

why is it a very ugly truth?

Isn't heart change people and give lights?

Isn't love can heal those scars and pains?

We have been there in a  quiet alley,

we sang a song and drunk under falling stars,

because you smile and we run on breezy night,

like that simple feeling make so paradise.

Now you say, you don't own me...........

let me be myself, I live my life you say,

I can only stare and keep saying no,

while the dark side always ease you.

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Part 2: My Military Diet Experience

Also Read: Part 1: My Military Diet Experience

Hi readers! As I promised before, I will review my last day of military diet. Respectively my weight is 61 kg now. as expected from short term diet, this diet can help you to lose weight quickly but still I can't guarantee this suits and sustains to everyone.

Just a little note from my military diet, this morning I just realize I am not on track to my food list. So I accidentally ate my green apple yesterday (happily?) which it should be for today breakfast. I missed one food for my breakfast so I cheat it with 5 more saltine crackers to fulfill the apple calories (which is around 76 calories). I also out of tomatoes for today dinner (just realize it and I feel so upset for not having strict track on last day, lols), I change the calorie as well into a slice of wheat bread which is around 67 calories. For the rest, I am quite on track. Here below I also count on every day calories for all the food. 

So, this is my revised version for the food list: 

DAY 1 : 1570 calories 

BREAKFAST

1 tomato

1 wheat bread 

2 tbsp peanut butter

1 cup of hot tea

LUNCH

1 can of plain tuna

1 wheat bread

DINNER

250 gram of tofu

1/2 ounce of minced chicken

1 cup of green beans

2 tomatoes

1 small green apple

1 cup of strawberry ice cream

DAY 2: 1044 calories

BREAKFAST

1 omelette without oil

1 wheat bread

1 tomatoes

LUNCH

1 cup of yellow bean porridge

1 boiled egg

5 saltine crackers

DINNER 

1 can of chicken luncheon

1 broccoli

1 carrot

1 tomato

1 soy milk

DAY 3: 1063 calories

BREAKFAST

10 saltine crackers

3 tbsp peanut butter

LUNCH

1 boiled egg

1 wheat bread

DINNER

1 can of plain tuna

1 wheat bread

1 soy milk 

I also analyse my food composition. This diet mostly is giving you 40% of carbohydrate, 30% fat and 20% protein for your three days meal. I guess for those who want to eat lots of things in a diet, this will help you a lot. 

Hope to see whether this is sustainable or not. 

wait for my next post okay!

Edit: as I wait for next 2 weeks, my weight didn't sustain. I come back to my old weight! LOLS. I think if you want a quick yo-yo diet, this one is fine, but I would suggest not to repeat it too often. I think it is not good for the health to have diet on long term. 

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My Military Diet Experience

Dear readers, 

Every women on this earth of course wishes to have a perfect body. Well I am also one of them! But my routine does not really support me to exercise more. I only have weekend to have a run or jogging while on weekday I have to attend my class since morning to 6 pm. Usually in a day I only spend 20 minutes per day to walk around. Well personally I feel like it is not enough, I believe I have to maintain my health better.

Today my weigh is around 63 kg. I wish to lost around 5-10 kg especially in the thigh area (well even though we should understand none of the diets can smaller certain parts of your body anyway, still you have to exercise). I have been through in several types of diet (such as plain soup diet, potato diet, greens diet), but as predicted they are yo-yo diet (when you finish it, you will end up to see your weight get back to the first time before you have the diet in couple days). Besides that, these diets are pretty boring. I am bored of the same food for couple days. After some searching in google and testimonies, I find this military diet. Happily this diet requires various food I can enjoy!

I have been in military diet since yesterday, it needs 3 days and a week of discipline 1500 calories limitation. Here is what I eat for these 3 days:

DAY 1

BREAKFAST

1 tomato

1 wheat bread 

2 tbsp peanut butter

1 cup of hot tea

LUNCH

1 can of plain tuna

1 wheat bread

DINNER

250 gram of tofu

1/2 ounce of minced chicken

1 cup of green beans

2 tomatoes

1 small green apple

1 cup of strawberry ice cream

DAY 2

BREAKFAST

1 omelette without oil

1 wheat bread

1 tomatoes

LUNCH

1 cup of yellow bean porridge

1 boiled egg

5 saltine crackers

DINNER 

1 can of chicken luncheon

1 broccoli

1 carrot

1 tomato

1 soy milk

DAY 3

BREAKFAST

5 saltine crackers

3 tbsp peanut butter

1 small apple

LUNCH

1 boiled egg

1 wheat bread

DINNER

1 can of plain tuna

2 tomatoes

1 soy milk

The composition of the food is not exactly above. I mean you can change the food with military substitution, for example in the military diet it requires banana, since I dislike banana, I change it into tomato instead. Or if you are vegetarian, you can change all the lean meat into tofu (I did it in the first day because I am not into meat on that day). If you dislike saltine crackers, you can change it into rice crackers as well. You can change everything as long as it has same calories. 

yesterday I measured my food calories by counting all of them, so the result is around 1570 calories. I believe these food are designated for you to eat only around 1500 calories per day. This diet also prioritizes protein than carbohydrates and sugar.

For all the food, honestly I do the shopping in the same day. I spend around 187.000 rupiahs for all the food in these 3 days. so it is around 60 rupiahs per day food.  

Well today when I weigh on my body, it is around 61,5 kg. this result is usually highly expected in every diet, but hopefully it sustains for next couple days. 

I will tell you my next report tomorrow! ;) 

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The Words

All those words which have been told before,

always remain in my heart and never get cold,

even these eyes can see none and these ears won't listen,

even this mind has gone and this body has no soul,

I will always put your words in the bottom of my heart.

sometimes words lie, sometimes words hurt,

what one says sometimes is not the truth,

sometimes words contradict with inside of our heart,

and words can differ from every single one's interpretation,

but you know, even wrong interpretation make things look worst,

we forgive, we understand, we smile and laugh each other with words,

then those old words turn to feel so warm as a youthful memories.

words are human existence as well as weakness,

because sometimes words are difficult to be spoken,

with words, sometimes we hide in the darkness, 

sometimes we use words to reveal the truth,

Essentially those words are both powerful and unforgettable.

I want you to know when I wake up somewhere later,
there are tons of sorry and goodbye I would like to say,
my dear, sorry for not accomplishing all those promises we had,
sorry for not being there in your most difficult time,
I know it breaks your heart and I am sorry we fight a lot.

meanwhile I wish you will be always happy and enjoy your life,
goodbye for our latest apart and let us see each other,
in another world with full of blooms and flower scent,
and at that time I will wait you in the entrance as your forever guide,
as your forever day, and end is always a new beginning.

no matter how complicated words are,

there are always words for everyone,

like a sunshine which resemble your ways,

with colorful light and reminds me your warm smile,

like a huge flower garden and evergreen deep inside me.

Do you know my favorite words from you?

It is when you say "I love you", and I tell you I love you too,

those words turn into a light and rushing in my blood,

a light which shines my path and lighten my sight,

those words give me a life, give me a faithful happiness, 

those words give me a shoulder to depend on
those words give me a meaning to keep going on.  

Because of those words,

even when I vanish to ashes,

and even I will no more coming back,

your words, your existence, your love,

will always be there in my heart. 

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Missing Old Friends

They are people who know me well,

because they never give me answers,

they give me shoulders to cry,

as well as laughter to cure my sadness,

I miss them so much with those games,

until I forget all the pains.

I wish I can keep get back to all of you,

so we can play and laugh harder,

without drama and any fights,

when we mock each other but nobody hurts,

sometimes we hate each other and we love it,

because here they teach me honesty and loyalty.

I love every scenarios we have,

we cry, we lie, we swear,we love, we scream,

we scold, we tell the truth, no matter what we say,

all of them are memorable and sweet,

gosh so truthfully tasty and heart-warming,

like nowhere I could meet all of again together.

If I have another opportunity to get alive again,

I want to meet you again........

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The Love On The Other Way

Dear my sweet being,

my dearly piece of missing heart,

my partner and my angel,

my happiness in light and dark, 

come closer and I will welcome you.

I wish you are coming home soon,

when you always bring my happiness,

either in a storm or a strike of lighting,

because you can guard and keep me safe,

while I sleep on your tender shoulder,

dreaming about peaceful and shine,

among this cruelty of world and harms.

dear my other lonely part,

I feel how clueless of our routes,

but I always pray to almighty God,

may the angel guides every steps you make,

since your birth and until today you are.

you are my destiny and I am waiting,

until the day you can lay down your head,

as I touch your hair and embrace your boredom,

and sing a kind of lullaby until you fall sleep,

until we meet in a dream where we can run together,

and sing and dance among the golden wheat.

I will put the crown on your head,

because you are and the only King in my life,

as I entitle my loyalty to you,

as I give everything to you and only,

forever for you and nobody can distance us. 

Until the day will come,

until those joyful delight approach,

I will wait and wait when the bridge shows up,

when the full moon meet the night sky,

when our steps are rushing and our eyes open,

we will meet and become one. 

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The Ageless Dream

The moon is red and the air is bold,

she spends her time looking on the moon,

breathing the night air like the same day,

chasing someone's pavement,

the one and only she has in life.

She spent her youth and ages,

surrounding by her immortal look,

red lips, dark hair, pale skin and cheeks,

deep inside tortured by her eternity,

sometimes with tears sometimes pathetic laugh.

How long has it been?

A hundred or a thousand years,

from timeless journey to endless ways,

she saw every sides of humanity time to time,

thrilled, bored of and disgust of them.

One day she met this person,

a man with strong will and cares,

someone who can share her pain,

someone who she is seeking for of this entire life,

out of nowhere he was a gift of a spring time.

they spent the days with imperfection,

but all the things seemed flawless and fine,

like an utopia they lived happily after,

an ever dream which would never vanish,

then all the stories are well said and written.

But one day the man died of aging sickness,

they were different world and beings,

like she was punished with her sins,

she scattered among the fireflies,

with tireless tears and long wait.

She is always there on his grave,

praying countless words, days and decades,

longing for shorter wait and longer meet,

to die without reasons and feel,

with her ageless dream to be with him forever. 

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Rotten Pride

I always look up and above,

seeking for dreams and hopes,

raising my voice in the echo,

writing my vows over the dew.

I wish I can fly up and up,

no matter how high I will be,

I will always be the queen or king,

top of the peak walking on the sea.

but I will always remember,

how consecutively I fall and be upset,

how God you lean me your shoulder I cry,

how pitiful I was thinking I am the best,

because I am no one more than a rotten pride.

How clueless I am to think everything is logical,

how disrespectful my lonely rhyme I sound,

because I am here and I am small,

because the wings I shine more has rippled up.

The life I share and I walk right now,

will be rotten to the soil and hustling on earth,

then and now I am one, I am skin and bones,

I am the rotten meat with a weak soul.

I am buried down here,

sleeping forever after,

gulping on my rotten pride,

and asking for love and sorry to You. 

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Forgiveness

The sun is showered by tears,

rippled by droplet of water and blood,

The sky is blue but crumbled with fire,

the war has started and the game begins,

and every broken heart screams for help,

but nobody is home to comfort you for real.

My body burns to red like hell,

boiling, drizzling, flipping, torturing,

screaming for the scars I do not atone,

but my grip went wrong and weaker,

instead of guilty, I laugh to joy and excitement,

like I feel so bad to myself, as the one who can't forgive.

Why is it so difficult to forget hatred? 

Why do people cannot forgive each other?

Why can't you put all your faults to bed?

Why don't you get rid of that monster out of your head?

Why do you share your pain to mine?

Oh lord, I am the lost child who has born,

and I give my arms to be grabbed for the lost,

but I was betrayed for making use of myself,

they whip me like the meat hanging on market,

licking my fluid and oil cutting the skin and throat.

I lost in my echo, I paralyze myself,

only two balls of eyes are still waking in disbelief,

what can I do for you? What can I do?

I always cry and now on learn loving abuse,

and I am used to see blood stains cover my cold feet.

Holy God and all holy so called holy,

please listen to me and don't speak any to me,

I just wish my sins won't be dried up to regret,

I just wish the one who did this won't retreat,

Call this either a curse or forgiveness,

I want that guy to know.........................

I mention the name and I repeat,

as I close my eyes and look at the putrid ceiling,

at the end I have forgiven him for everything, 

I close the pray to my last bed, sleep tight to eternity. 

 

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The Taste

there were various tastes,

but none of them impress me as yours,

as well as various flavors,

but none of them embrace my soul as his,
cause you are and only the taste I am looking for.

the taste of a sweet peach,

and smells of solid tangerine,

either sweet or entertaining,

like a cake with sincere cream,

with crumbles of vanillas within.

You are the taste I love the most,

since I see those eyes behind the glasses,

since I see those face behind your smiles,

You are the taste I am looking for,

we are meant to be together, it's you.

I wish you could be brave to tell me your taste,
ain't guessing but I wish it was how I taste,
when you know the touch, breathe and feel,
you will never walk alone again,
and I will always stay with you side by side.

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