Friday, 5 April 2013

Part 1: I Won't Forget Today

I still remember that day, when he blushed his cheeks and said, "will you be my girlfriend?" at that night. I was so surprised and speechless. An anonymous, a person who I did not recognized at all. Now, he stood up firmly and asked me such an awkward question. I did not remember how it felt exactly. But it was a mixing of happiness, shame, a little bit pride, warmness, fun, embarrassing and annoying. My lip spitted out cruel words as my face all turned red and my eyes were so scary and big I believed. My heart was pounding so fast, may be 8 times per second. "Don't you feel ashamed of yourself? Look at yourself and watch your mouth, get lost!", I shouted accidentally. 

As I realized what I had done, I did not mean to say such a cruel way, I just did it deliberately, I did not understand where it came from, I really really did not understand, I believed something was wrong but I did not say anything after that. I saw his face, I was so afraid, I knew, it should be painful, there should be a deep scar, worse than heart attack I believed. My shoulder was shaken, I felt so guilty and nervous, I lost my control already. When I noticed he tried to tell something, I was so astonished while he said, "sorry, but thanks really", and he smiled heavenly but his eyes seemed were both watering, sparkling and his cheek turned lighter but still red. Then he nodded slowly, and turned back as if nothing bad had happened.

When I saw him turned back slowly until his shadow was unseen, I was so startled, I wanted to cry aloud, but I cannot, my heart felt so weird, hurt and indescribably. My hands turned so freezing, felt like I had done a crime, a sadist murder. At that night, the sky was so dark, it rained heavily and I was alone. 

Several days later, I never met him. He never shown up like before. His habit vanished and scattered all around the grassy field. I still remembered. he often ran over the school field, chased for my attention by tricking, teasing or making fools of teachers or friends. Sometimes I laughed, sometimes I got annoyed of his behavior and sometimes I pitied him when he was punished to stand up with those cleaning instrument under the sun light. "Baka boy..", sometimes I commented his act by my Japanese accent, chuckled in my heart and at the same time I was actually enjoying what he did. 

Today was different, the field was wet by yesterday rain as if I could feel his heart was crying aloud so did mine. I felt how the breeze blew, as the day passed day by day. Until I opened my eyes, three years later, in these past years we ended up met each other so often but we never greeted each other, he never called my name anymore so did I, we never talked, no eye contact, no hi, no bye, we walked and passed like we never recognized. I always tried to pretend and act as if he was a walking sculpture, nobody who I knew, nothing in my life, nobody, until I get used to treat him like that, until today.

Now, the circumstance I am standing for is called as end of teens life. This year is the last year of my school life, everyone is focusing themselves in last exam and planning for their universities life. I had applied my next education abroad, and I am hoping a lot for new atmosphere, new friendship and of course I am trying to find good relationship. As I cannot wait for it, I always imagine how it looks like for almost everyday. Yesterday there was a news, a news I never expect to happen, and this is the beginning how the scars was discovered for another time. 

(to be continued...............)

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